(no subject)

I feel safe from shampoo and lip balm.

(no subject)

Condition: Red
Because some gases are explosive, gases will no longer be permitted on airplanes.


Bonus:
Instead of oxygen, the masks that drop from the ceiling will instead excrete a rich, tasty blend of instant mashed potatoes.

(no subject)

Studies have shown that all terrorists have been, in fact, people - therefore no one will be allowed on any domestic or foreign flight.

In keeping with our Administration's focus on the Culture of Life, all fetuses will be exempt from this ban, and shall fly for free.