(no subject)

So I've spent the last few days delirious, in pain and wondering if I was dying. I rationally knew I wasn't dying most of the time, but when I'd get dizzy and feel my heart going, rationality wasn't my strong suit. Still in bad shape, but it's settled into sets of symptoms which I'll describe as strep throat, an ear infection and a severe acid reflux attack. I've been lying down so much it aches, and my ears are constantly ringing. I find myself on the bring of anxiety attacks because Faidra's going out of town later this month for a few days, and that means airplanes and outside of my ability to protect. Even writing that made my mind go slightly haywire in frantic worry. Also, worrying that being spontaneously out of work for most of the week will somehow reflect on my standing. My arms ache. I keep hearing music that isn't there. At around midnight last night, some girl let out a piercing scream two floors below us, and I sat in shock for an hour, wondering if she was being murdered - in a very useless Kitty Genovese moment. I feel extremely weak, during a period in time when I had been feeling the strongest ever. I've probably lost an additional pound or two from lack of eating and such, but I much prefer doing so via exercise.

I have a doctor's appointment at 4. I hope my faith in modern medicine holds out.